United
by Demonlord5000
Summary: One month after the events of The Stick of Truth, another new kid has moved to South Park. When he is pitted between three rival factions, he, along with his new friend, Douchebag, must pick a side in the great war of Zaron.
1. New kid in town

The red haired boy looked around his new bedroom. The walls were blue, and the only decoration his room had at the moment were the unopened boxes. The boy wore a blue jacket with a red scarf, red track pants, black shoes, and red gloves. A knock came at his bedroom door, and a man with red hair looked in.

"Hey champ, how do you like your new room?"

"It's OK I guess." The boy answered.

"Well, while me and your mom unpack these boxes, why don't you go out and make some friends?"

"Alright dad." The boy walked out of the house and on to the sidewalk. He had only gotten a block when he found two boy's dressed in role playing garbs brawling.

"Suffer the wrath of my blade elf!" A boy dressed as a knight shouted.

"Fuck you Bloodmoon warrior!" A boy dressed as an elf shouted. The knight boy tackled the elf and held a knife to his throat. "HELP! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE HELP!" The elf screamed. The boy ran up and whacked the knight on the head.

"OW!" The knight boy turned to him. "You can't do that! I'll tell my mom!" He yelled before running off.

"Thanks kid." The elf said, getting up. "Those Bloodmoon warriors are stronger than I thought. Hey, I've never seen you before, are you new in town?"

"Yeah, I just moved in." The boy said, pointing to the gray house he had just come out of.

"Well, since you saved my life, I'll take you to the elf king."

"The elf king?"

"Yeah, it's a game we're playing."

"That other kid didn't seem to be playing."

"Yeah, those Bloodmoon warriors tend to take things too far. Anyway, come with me and you can me the elf king." The two boys started walking in the other direction. "My name's Clyde by the way."

"Mike." The boy said with a smile. His phone beeped, and he saw he had a Facebook friend request from Clyde. "Damn you're quick Clyde."

"Yeah."

"So, how long have you been an elf?"

"A month. I used to be a member of Kupa Keep, but then wizard fat fuck kicked me out. So, after a little incident involving cheating, I joined the elves. Here we are." Clyde and Mike walked up to a green house. Clyde led him through the backyard gate, into a makeshift kingdom filled with kids dressed as elves. Clyde led Mike up to the throne, where a boy wearing a green ushanka and royal elven clothes. "All hail the elf king!" Clyde shouted.

"Who the hell is this?" The elf king asked in a bored tone as he stared at Mike.

"This is Mike my lord, he's a new kid."

"Another new kid? Alright then. Nice to meet you Mike, I'm Kyle."

"Hi there. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What are these Bloodmoon warriors?" Kyle's face contorted into a frown.

"The Bloodmoon warriors are a group of violent fighters and archers, trained personally by the Bloodmoon king who is A MOTHERFUCKING TRAITOR!" He jumped up as he screamed the last few words. Everyone stared at him. "Sorry, but it's true. Anyway Mike, if you wanna join my kingdom, you'll have to help me first. You see, in order to fight the Bloodmoon warriors, we'll need the best fighter in South Park." He wrote something on a piece of paper, then handed it to Mike. "Go to this address and see if you can recruit King Douchebag."

"King Douchebag?"

"Yeah, that's the name wizard king fatass gave him. Now hurry, before the Bloodmoon warriors get to him first."


	2. Finding Douchebag

After Kyle had equipped Mike with elven armor and weapons, and had taught him how to fight, he had sent Mike, along with Clyde, out to recruit King Douchebag.

"There's something you should know." Clyde spoke up as they stepped out of Kyle's backyard. "The Bloodmoon warriors are a deadly and formidable foe. They will attack without mercy. It would be best to avoid them."

"Got it." Mike answered. "So how far is it to King Douchebag?"

"Not that far, here we are." They stepped up to a red house and Clyde knocked. A dark haired woman answered it. "Hi ma'am, is your son home?"

"Oh no, he actually went out. Something about a "Giggling Donkey?"" She shut the door.

"Giggling Donkey?" Clyde murmured. "Ah! He must be at the Inn of the Giggling Donkey! The Bard can help us with that!"

"The Bard?" Mike asked, but Clyde had taken off.

XXXXXXX

The two boys stepped inside of a house, revealing the living room made to look like a bar.

"There's the Bard!" Clyde said, leading them up to a brown haired boy on crutches. "Bard, we're looking for-."

"Shh!" The Bard shushed him.

"But we-."

"Sh-shut up clyde!" The Bard whispered harshly.

"But we need to find King Douchebag!" Clyde said out loud.

"So that's what the elf king is planning huh?" A voice said behind them. They turned to see a boy in a green shirt surrounded by Bloodmoon warriors.

"I t-told you to sh-shut up Clyde!" The Bard snapped.

"Who the hell are you?" Mike asked the boy in green.

"I am general Scott Malkinson of the Bloodmoon army!"

"Careful Mike!" Clyde shouted. "He has the power of diabetes!"

"Warriors! Take care of these fools while I report to the king and princess!" Scott shouted.

"What princess!?" Clyde shouted. Scott realized he had said too much and ran out the door. The three Bloodmoon warriors approached Clyde and Mike, only for a chunk of the ceiling to land on them, crushing them.

"Geez, m-my parents are gonna k-kill me for that." The Bard replied. "K-King Douchebag is over th-there." He pointed to a table, where a boy sat. He had tan skin, freckles, and silver hair that covered half his face.

"King Douchebag!" Clyde ran up. "The elf king has requested your alliance!" Douchebag waved them off. "King Douchebag it's urgent!" Douchebag flipped Clyde off and took a sip of fairy ale. Mike pulled out an pencil and started to poke Douchebag with it.

"Come on…. Say something…" He poked a few more times. "Come on!" He said impatiently. Douchebag sighed and pointed to Mike.

"He said he'll go with you Mike." Clyde said.

"Then let's go!" Mike said as he led Clyde, the Bard, and Douchebag out of the house.


	3. Ambushed

"Mike, I want to thank you for bringing us King Douchebag!" Kyle said with glee as he looked at the four boys standing before him.

"It was nothing really, but I'm not paying to repair the Bard's ceiling."

"Huh?"

"W-we were ambushed by B-Bloodmoon warriors Kyle." The bard explained.

"Well, at least we got Douchebag here. Mike, while I fill Douchebag in on our plans, why don't you go explore the rest of the town?"

"OK, sure." Mike said with a smile as he and Clyde walked out to the sidewalk. Clyde began to tell stories.

"So your mom's ghost was nagging you about leaving the toilet seat up in the middle of the court room!?" Mike laughed.

"Yeah, this town is pretty fucked up. Twice we were attacked by a giant robotic Barbara Streisand!"

"Dude, holy shit."

"Yeah, and let me tell you about the time I went to Somalia." Before he could continue, his grin faded and he collapsed to the ground, a dart sticking out of his neck.

"Clyde!?" Mike looked up to find himself surrounded by Bloodmoon warriors. "Oh SHIT!" He pulled out his elven blade as a warrior charged forward. The two boys locked blades, but the warrior was quickly overwhelming Mike. Thinking fast, Mike kneed the warrior in the nuts. The warrior fell to the ground with a high pitched scream. Mike quickly noticed many of the warriors were aiming bows at him. "Oh fuck me with a boy's gay dog!" Mike said in terror as non other than Scott Malkinson walked up to him and whacked him with a bat, knocking Mike out cold.

"Let's get him to the king!" Scott ordered. A warrior walked up and began to drag Mike's unconscious form away…


	4. Escape

Mike slowly opened his eyes. His head hurt like hell, and he was lying on a concrete floor. He sat up, and noticed he was in a cell, with a Bloodmoon warrior standing guard.

"Uh, hello?"

"NO TALKING!" The warrior snapped, whacking his club against the cell door.

"Where the hell am I?"

"You are in the prison of the Bloodmoon kingdom! …. Actually, the whole kingdom is set in and around an abandoned prison long forgotten. We're lucky to have found it. Now, NO TALKING!"

"So I'm in a cell with no bed!?"

"You have a bed." The warrior said, pointing behind Mike. "I was just too lazy to put you on it. NOW SHUT UP!" The warrior turned around, and Mike looked and spotted a pipe attached to the wall. Mike quickly climbed to the top of it as the warrior turned around.

"Hey, where'd he go!?" The warrior yelled as he unlocked the door and ran inside. Mike lost his grip and fell. Luckily, he landed on the warrior, knocking him out.

"Well, that was lucky." Mike smirked as he plucked the keys off of the warrior, grabbed the kid's club, and walked out of the cell. He had gotten a few feet when something in another cell caught his eye. There was a boy laying face down, unmoving. Mike quickly unlocked the cell door and ran to the boy's side. "Hey, are you OK!?" The boy groaned as Mike flipped him over.

"Who… who are you?" The boy asked weakly.

"My name's Mike." Mike took out a bag of cheesy poofs and fed them to the boy.

"Wow, thanks for the healing potion Mike." The boy said, sitting up. "I am Butters the Merciful, and I am a paladin from Kupa Keep!"

"Nice to meet you Butters." Mike said with a smile, which faded as he heard shouting coming from his cell. "Shit we need to go!" Mike and Butters ran out of the cell and out of the cell block, only to spot a group of Bloodmoon warriors ahead. Mike looked franticly around, and spotted an open ventilation shaft above a bookcase.

"Quick, up here!" Mike whispered as the two boys climbed up the bookcase and into the vents, just as the warriors ran by.

"That was close." Butters whispered. The boys began to climb through the vents.

"So Butters, how did you end up here?" Mike asked.

"Well uh… I got into a fight with a Bloodmoon warrior when I was trying to help Tweek." Butters answered. The boys crawled through, and onto a grate, which proved to be a mistake when it gave into the two boy's combined weight, causing them to land painfully on the floor below. The two stood, to find themselves standing before a stunned Scott Malkinson, who was about to finish off a McDonald's cheeseburger.

"Oh hell no, HELL NO!" Scott shouted, throwing down the burger and pulling out his sword.

"If it isn't the traitor, Scott Malkinson!" Butters yelled. Scott took out a Frisbee and threw it at Butters, nailing the blond in the head and knocking him out.

"Shit!" Mike yelled. He looked around and spotted his sword leaning against the wall. He lunged forward and grabbed it, and stood to face Scott. The diabetic kid did something unexpected. With a smile, Scott sheathed his sword. Mike heard a shuffling sound, and turned, only to be kicked straight in the chest. The blow sent him to the ground, coughing. Mike weakly looked up at the boy standing before him.

"Well played Mike, but your escape was doomed from the start!" The boy snapped.

"Wh-who are you?" Mike coughed. The boy smiled.

"I am Stan Marsh! King of the Bloodmoon kingdom!"


	5. Rescue from the Bloodmoon Kingdom

"I've been keeping an eye on you since you first moved into town Mike." Stan said as he poured himself a drink.

"What are you a stalker?" Mike asked heatedly. Stan shook his head, and pulled off his crown. The raven haired boy wore a set of ornate, blood red robes, with a red moon sown to the sleeves. His crown looked to be made of gold, with jewels adorning it. "Where did you get that crown?"

"All I can say is, if my mom asks about her jewelry, say Eric Cartman destroyed it."

"Why are you so interested in me? And what the fuck am I drinking?" Mike said, holding up his cup.

"Just a cup of bloodwine."

"…"

"It's liquor." Mike spat the drink out.

"ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE!?" Stan chuckled.

"You're not the first person to ask me that Mike. I can see that you would have potential as a Bloodmoon warrior."

"If you think I'm gonna join you, you can shove that sword of yours right up your ass!" Stan laughed.

"You'll change your mind soon enough Mike. In the meantime, maybe you'd like a tour of the kingdom. Rachel! ….. RACHEL!" A freckled girl with brown hair tied in a messy ponytail, glasses, brown eyes, and a set of blood red armor rushed in.

"Yes my king?" Rachel asked.

"Why don't you give our guest here a tour of the kingdom while I converse with the princess?" Rachel nodded and led Mike out of the room.

XXXXXX

She led Mike out into the prison courtyard, where several stands and tents had been set up.

"Over there is the magic shop, tended to by our level 20 necromancer." Rachel said, pointing to a girl in a dark set of robes. "That is our potions shop, run by Gregory, our level 15 bard. The king doesn't like Gregory. The only reason the King let him join-." Gregory pulled out a club and whacked himself on the head with it, drawing blood. "Is if he does that every 20 minutes. Anyway, our weapons shop is run by Lady Rebecca, a level 17 thief."

"Goddamn!" Mike said as he starred around the kingdom.

"Now let me show you-." She was cut off at the sound of a horn blowing. Multiple elves appeared on the prison walls, along with the Bard, who shot Rachel down with his crossbow.

"D-don't worry M-Mike! We're here to s-save you!" The Bard shouted as the elves jumped down and began fighting the Warriors.

"Thank god!" Mike said as he pulled out his sword and ran to an elf's aid. The Bard began to sing.

"There once was a maiden from Stonebury Hollow! She didn't talk much but boy did she swallow! I had a nice lance that she sat upon! The maiden from Stonebury who is also your mom!" Mike suddenly felt stronger, and managed to successfully knock out the warrior he was fighting. The Bard had begun to sing a lullaby when Scott Malkinson stormed out.

"Enough of this!" Scott shouted as he pulled out a dodge ball and threw it at the Bard, knocking the kid off of the wall.

"Oh SHIT!" Mike ran up and punched Scott in the mouth as hard as he could.

"OH GOD! FUCK!" Scott shouted as he clutched his mouth in agony.

"MIKE! OVER HERE!" Mike turned to see Clyde lowering a rope ladder down. Mike quickly grabbed the ladder and climbed to the top. The two boys then climbed down the opposite side of the wall. "Let's get out of here! Elves! Fall back!" Clyde shouted as he lifted up the injured Bard and he, Mike, and the elves ran into the forest.

XXXXXXXX

"Thank god I'm out of there!" Mike said as he and the elves walked through the forest.

"Yes, and the elf king wants us to plan for an attack on the Bloodmoon kingdom while we still have the chance." Clyde said.

"Tomorrow dude, it's getting late." Mike said as he glanced at the setting sun.

"Yeah, I'm getting tired too." Clyde answered as they came back into the town.

XXXXXXXX

"I'm sorry my king, but Mike has escaped." Scott reported in a dejected manner. Stan frowned.

"No matter, he'll come back to us. Our spy will make sure of that." He sat in his throne, and turned to a girl sitting in a throne right next to him. "Don't you agree princess?" The girl looked at him for a moment, then nodded her head.


	6. Blonde in the night

Mike yawned, opening the front door and walking into his house. His parents had managed to unpack everything while he was gone. With a groan of exhaustion, he sank on to the couch. After a few minutes, a little girl with curly red hair ran up to him.

"Mike! Mike!" The girl squealed. Mike smiled.

"Hey Emmy."

"Look what I drew!" Emmy squealed, holing up a drawing. It was a very childish drawing of two Bloodmoon warriors beating the crap out of that Butters kid.

"Emmy, why would you draw that?"

"Because I saw it happening right after you left today." Emmy said in an adorable manner. Mike laughed.

"That's great kid." He turned to the clock. 9:30. "It's past your bedtime Emmy."

"But I'm not tired!" Emmy whined.

"Then run around the kitchen a few times."

"OK!" Emmy said brightly as she proceeded to do just that. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Mike got up with a groan and opened it.

"Douchebag? What are you doing here?" Mike asked the silent boy. Douchebag grabbed Mike and pulled him into the street. They went to the corner, where Mike saw a frightening sight. A girl with blonde hair lay on the sidewalk, coughing up a bluish liquid.

"Hey, are you OK!?" Mike asked, kneeling by the girl.

"D-don't… f-feel good." The girl groaned as if in pain. Mike pulled out a pencil and started to poke her.

"Come on…. Feel better." He said as he poked her. "Come on!" He said impatiently. He heard Douchebag face palm himself before tapping Mike on the shoulder. He held up a slip of paper with the name Bebe Stevens written on it.

"Uh… Bebe? Are you feeling OK?" Mike asked as the blonde girl coughed up more blue liquid.

"Th-they came out of nowhere!" Bebe groaned. "They grabbed me and started beating me. Then _he _forced me to drink this stuff!"

"Who did?" Mike asked. With a groan Bebe stumbled up and collapsed again a few feet away, facing away from the boys. She started convulsing, before finally stopping, and getting up with ease.

"Uhh…. Bebe?" Mike asked worriedly. Bebe turned around. Her eyes had turned a demonic red, and her teeth had become razor sharp. With a high pitched scream, she lunged at Mike and tried to claw his eyes out. "JESUS CHRIST!" He tried to push her off of him but she proved INCREDIBLY strong! Her teeth neared his neck…

A force knocked her off of him. Mike looked up to see Douchebag holding a large battle ax. Bebe got up and launched herself at Douchebag, who swung the ax a second time, sending her into a wall. She lay on the ground, motionless.

"Jesus Christ! What the fuck happened to that girl!?" Mike asked as he stood up. Douchebag just shrugged. Mike turned at the sound of tiny footsteps to see Emmy Running up to him.

"EMMY! You're not supposed to leave the house by yourself!" Mike scolded.

"I didn't, I was following you Mike." Emmy said cutely. Mike rolled his eyes.

"Let's just get you to bed." Mike said as he walked up to her.

XXXXXXXX

Stan watched the tree kids from the shadows, a smile on his face, and the Bloodmoon princess standing next to him.

"Your plan worked perfectly princess. Douchebag found Bebe, and ran to Mike as expected." He turned to the girl. "What exactly did I give Bebe anyway?" The princess looked at him with a guilty smile. "Not talking huh? Well, they say silence is golden." He said with a grin.


	7. Barter

Mike stood in the morning light, pulling on his elven clothes with a yawn. He picked up his sword and walked downstairs and into the kitchen, where his parents looked at him oddly.

"Honey." His mother began. "You know Halloween is a while away right?"

"Mom, I'm role-playing!" Mike snapped.

"Oh, well, your father and I are going to go get you enrolled at the elementary school today, so wherever you're going, take your sister."

"OK mom. Come on Emmy." The little girl jumped up from her empty bowl of cereal and happily followed her brother into the living room. Mike pulled open the door to be met with a sight.

"Holy crap! It's Princess Zelda!"

"It's Princess Kenny asshole!" The parka wearing boy snapped. "Anyway, by order of the Grand Wizard, you are to come to Kupa Keep immediately new kid."

"Uhh… No thanks."

"Look new kid, I'm not really giving you a choice here. You're coming with me." Kenny said as a few Kupa Keep warriors walked up behind him/her.

"Uhh… No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No, I'm pretty sure I'm not."

"Yes you are!"

"Princess, can we just beat the crap out of this kid and bring him with us so we don't have to stand here all day?" A boy wearing a blue chullo and a thief's outfit asked. Princess Kenny sighed.

"Go for it." The warriors stepped forward, but stopped at a sudden scream.

"MIKE! MIKE!" The kids looked down the street to see several Bloodmoon warriors forcefully carrying Emmy down the street.

"PUT HER DOWN!" Mike roared, charging after them. He didn't get far when the kid with the chullo tackled him.

"Hey, don't think that you can get away that easily!" The kid said, flipping Mike off. Mike looked up to see that the warriors, and Emmy, were nowhere in sight. Mike shoved the kid off of him and began pummeling him brutally.

"YOU BASTERD! THEY JUST TOOK OFF WITH MY SISTER AND IT'S ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT!" He stood up, leaving the kid a bloody mass on the ground, and turned to Princess Kenny, who ran off in fright. Mike fell to the ground, laying his head into his bloody hands. Tears welled up in his eyes. "Emmy…" After a long while, someone called his name. He looked up to see Clyde running up to him.

"Dude, what the fuck happened?" Clyde asked, noting the bloody thief on the ground. "Are you alright?"

"They took her." Mike groaned. "The Bloodmoon warriors took my sister." Clyde laid a hand on Mike's shoulder.

"Don't worry dude, we'll get her back safe and sound. Stay here while I go tell Kyle." Clyde took off. After a few minutes, Mike's phone rang. He answered it, shaking.

"H-hello?"

"Hello again Mike." Stan spoke softly through the phone. "Nice sister you have."

"Where is she!?"

"She's fine, for now. Come meet me in the forest, and we can barter for her safety. And you had better come alone Mike, or the next time you see your sister, it'll be in a body bag!" Stan hung up. Mike stood, taking a look at Kyle's house before running into the forest. After a while, he came upon a clearing, where Stan sat, smiling.

"Where is she!?" Mike yelled. "If you hurt her, I swear to god-."

"Calm down Mike, I wouldn't dare hurt my own warrior's family. But… You are not one of my warriors…. Yet." He jerked his head to a nearby stump, where a set of Bloodmoon armor lay. "Put it on… And your sister will be safe." Mike stared at the boy for a while, before pulling off his elven robes and, with tears in his eyes, pulled the Bloodmoon armor on over his clothes. Stan smiled and pointed to a serrated sword. Mike dropped his elven sword and picked up the Bloodmoon sword.

"Well done Bloodmoon warrior. Come back to the kingdom, and I will see your sister set free." Mike looked at Stan, and then hesitantly followed the boy back to the Bloodmoon Kingdom….


	8. Assault From Kupa Keep

"I have a job for you Mike, and to make sure you don't double cross me, I will not release your sister until the job is done." Stan said, taking a seat on his throne.

"I fucking hate you." Mike said with a glare.

"Mike, I want you to go and recruit the girls to our cause." Stan said, not paying attention. "Do this, and little Emmy will be released. What kind of name is Emmy anyway?"

"Her real name is Emma." Mike hissed. Stan waved him off.

"Take General Malkinson and Lady Rebecca with you." Stan said, handing Mike a note. "Give that to lady Rebecca." Mike sighed and walked out of the room with General Malkinson. They walked out into the courtyard, and up to the weapons shop.

"W-welcome, would y-you like to s-see my wares?" Lady Rebecca stuttered. Mike handed her the note. She looked over it then pulled out a shield, and then handed it to Mike. "O-ok, let's g-go." She said, pulling out a dagger.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"We need to find one of the fourth grade girls in town." Scott murmured. "Then we have to convince her to take us to the other girls."

"How hard can it be to find a girl?" Mike groaned. After a moment of silence, both boys turned to Lady Rebecca.

"D-don't look at m-me! I'm h-home schooled!" The two boys groaned, and the three continued walking, only to be stopped by screaming.

"What the…" The three ran to a nearby alley, where three Kupa Keep kids were beating a girl.

"Just give us the damn letter and we'll stop!" One boy shouted.

"I DON'T HAVE A DAMN LETTER!" The girl screamed, spitting up blood.

"Leave her alone!" Mike yelled, drawing his sword. The KKK kids turned to them.

"Or what!?" One kid sneered. Rebecca pulled out a smoke bomb and threw it to the ground. Several thieves appeared from the smoke and charged the warriors down.

"Holy shit." Mike gawked as the thieves disappeared. Mike walked up to the girl laying on the ground and kneeled by her side. "Are you OK?"

"Ow…." The girl groaned.

"What's your name?"

"R-Red."

"That's a weird name."

"Sh-shut up."

"Why were those kids attacking you?"

"They thought I had a letter addressed to your king!" Red coughed. Mike pulled out some cheesy poofs and gave them to her. "Wow." Red said, standing. "I feel better. Thanks for saving me…."

"Mike."

"Thanks for saving me Mike. If there's anything I can do for you, just ask."

"Actually, the Bloodmoon king sent me out to recruit the girls into his army." Mike responded. Red smiled.

"Well, since you saved my life, I can assure you that girls will want to help Stan in anyway possible."

"Thanks." Mike said, before turning away.

"Wait!" Red called. Mike turned around and Red handed him a scroll. "Here's that letter to the Bloodmoon princess!" Mike looked at her oddly. "I said I didn't have a letter to your KING!"

XXXXXXXXX

"I did your damn job asshole!" Mike snapped as he walked in, throwing the scroll to Stan. The raven haired boy looked it over.

"You have recruited the girls?" Stan asked.

"Yes!" Mike hissed. A warrior ran up to Stan.

"My lord, the girls have arrived at the gate!"

"Excellent, get them equipped and trained. Mike, I want to thank you for increasing the size and power of my army! It gives me honor to level you up to the rank of…. Commander!" Two warriors ran up with a new set of armor and dual swords. Mike hesitantly took off his current armor and put the new armor, before picking up the swords. "Congratulations Commander Mike. Now, I'm a man of my word." He snapped his fingers, and two warriors walked in with Emmy, who was dressed in purple robes.

"I'm a mage!" Emmy cried happily, brandishing a star tipped wand. Mike rolled his eyes and laughed. Suddenly, a bell started ringing out of nowhere.

"The fuck is that!?" Mike asked. Stan jumped up.

"We're under attack! Mike, Emmy, come!" The two siblings followed Stan out of the room and into the courtyard. They ran up the wall to be met with a small army. "Well, if it isn't wizard fatass!" Stan called to the fat, bulbous thing leading the army.

"Bloodmoon king! Release our noble paladin! And send the new kid with him!" Mike stared at the boy for a moment.

"Holy crap! It's Dudley Dursley!" Stan, Emmy, the Bloodmoon army, and the KKK all burst out laughing.

"EY! FUCK YOU NEW KID! WARRIORS, ATTACK!" The KKK kids charged up to the walls, throwing up ropes and scaling it. Stan turned to Mike.

"Mike, defend the kingdom! I will rally the others!" Mike shrugged and pulled out his dual swords, locking blades with the chullo wearing thief.

"Uh… I don't think we were properly introduced yet." The kid said as he tried to shove Mike down. "Name's Craig."

"Mike!" The boy answered as he kneed Craig in the nuts. He turned just in time to block an attack from a twitching boy with messy blond hair.

"GAH! You can't hold out that long!" The boy jittered.

"Calm it twitchy!" Mike said, swinging his sword ad chopping off a piece of the boy's hair.

"AGH! TOO MUCH PRESSURE!" The boy said, leaping off of the wall and landing painfully. Mike rolled his eyes as the girls charged out, brandishing swords.

"KKK! FALL BACK!" The Grand Wizard shouted as his fighters ran for it. Stan ran back up to the wall to watch the KKK retreat.

"HAH! TAKE THAT ASSHOLES! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE BLOODMOON ARMY!" As Stan continued to gloat, Scott ran up, a look of worry across his face.

"SHE'S GONE!" Scott shouted. Stan stopped gloating and turned to the diabetic kid.

"What!?"

"The princess! The KKK took her!" Stan's face turned to rage.

"My god! Without the princess, how will our kingdom survive!?" Stan turned to Mike. "Mike, the quest I am about to give you will be a dangerous one. You must infiltrate Kupa Keep and rescue the Bloodmoon princess!" Mike starred at him, and then nodded. "Good, take our necromancer and lady Rebecca with you. Do not fail me commander! Bring back our princess!"


	9. Bloodmoon Princess

Mike watched the house with interest. KKK warriors surrounded the fence. Lady Rebecca and Stan's necromancer stood next to him.

"What do you think?" Mike asked the necromancer, who remained silent. "You don't talk much do you?"

"She talks." Rebecca whispered. "Sh-she just doesn't trust you that m-much." Mike sighed and led the two girls over to a secluded area near the fence.

"Can we get this done with out being caught?" Mike asked Rebecca.

"P-probably not."

"Hey!" A KKK member ran up to them. Mike drew his swords, but Rebecca grabbed his wrist.

"H-he's on our side!"

"Yes." The boy said. "The Bloodmoon king has sent me here to spy on the fatass. My name is N."

"Who the fuck names their kid N?" Mike asked. N ignored this with difficulty.

"The fatass is holding the princess in his basement. He plans on using her to bargain for paladin Butters, but go back on the deal and take him and the princess."

"Can you get us into the basement?" Mike asked.

"No, I'm not supposed to blow my cover. But I do know fatass' mom can be manipulated easily."

"Thanks kid." Mike turned to the two girls next to him. "Can you two cause a distraction?" Rebecca nodded and led the necromancer away. Mike sighed and ran to the front door, knocking rapidly. A woman with brown hair answered.

"Oh, who are you?"

"Uh, fatass told me to come here."

"Oh, well go on ahead." She let Mike in, and he made his way to the basement. He shut the door behind him quietly, and creeped downstairs. Sheets had been hung from the ceiling. Mike took a step forward, and accidentally kicked a can of soda, creating a loud bang. Mike froze as princess Kenny appeared from under one of the sheets.

"Well well, if it isn't the traitor Mike!"

"Traitor?" Mike asked in confusion. "I was never on your side."

"I know but for some reason cartman told me to say that to you the next time we met." Kenny pulled out a pink bow and loaded it. "The only way you'll be leaving this kingdom alive is as a member of our kingdom!"

"Fuck off princess cross dresser!" Kenny angrily raised his/her bow.

"Have it your way." Kenny pulled back on the arrow, and a loud bag was heard. Kenny's eyes went into a crossed position, and the arrow struck at least 10 feet away from Mike as Kenny collapsed to the ground, revealing a young girl with a bent metal pan. The girl wore a golden headdress, and a blue dress with yellow and white decorations.

"A-are you the Bloodmoon princess?" Mike asked. The girl nodded, dropping the pan and stepping over Kenny. "Good, let's go." The princess walked over to Mike. "If you don't mind me asking princess, what's your name?" She stared at him for a moment, and then opened her mouth.

"Karen, I'm Kenny's sister." The princess spoke softly.


	10. Elves and Bloodmoon

Mike led Karen up the basement steps. As soon as he opened the door, he was face to face with the Grand Wizard.

"Ey! New kid, I see you've come to join my army."

"In your dreams fatass!" Cartman stepped forward, only for Mike to pull out a pencil and start poking him.

"Come on... Lose weight." Mike urged as he poked the fat boy with a pencil. "Come on fat boy!" He said impatiently.

"EY! I'm not fat buttfucker! OW!" Cartman yelled as Mike poked him in the eye. Karen giggled at this scene. "Kenny! Get these two! …. Kenny?" He walked to the basement steps where he could see Kenny on the ground. "Kenny! What the fuck have I told you about sleeping during the fucking game!" Mike charged forward and shoved the fat, bulbous kid down the steps, before locking cartman inside of the basement. He grabbed Karen's hand and pulled her out the front door…

"MIKE!" Mike spun around, seeing Kyle run up to him. The elf king froze steps away from him, glaring at Karen. "Mike, don't do this dude. I know Stan forced you into this! Give Karen to the elves, we can keep your sister safe!"

"Don't listen to him Mike!" Stan shouted, walking up with his sword drawn. Several Bloodmoon warriors stood nearby with their weapons ready. "Emmy is happy with the Bloodmoon army!" Kyle spun around to face the boy.

"Stan you fucking traitor! We took you in and made you one of us, and this is how you repay us!?"

"If you had just agreed with my point of view Kyle, I wouldn't have to form my own army."

"I will not agree with your point of view because I know I'm right!" Stan turned to Mike.

"Dude, Mike, he's delusional, he thinks Xbox one is better than PS4."

"Dude seriously?" Mike said turning to Kyle. "Everyone knows PS4 is the top Next Gen console!"

"Are we seriously bringing this up again!?" Kyle asked "Black Friday was fucking months ago!"

"You're just denying that PS4 is better, just like you're denying that I'm right about how we should treat an army!" Stan yelled.

"Excuse me!" Mike interrupted. "What exactly is this argument about?" Kyle turned to Mike.

"Stan thinks I should train my elves the same way he trains his Bloodmoon warriors!"

"And Kyle thinks it's a stupid idea. So I left the elves and gathered an army of people who agreed with me! So, in other words, I gathered an army of people who can actually think! People who wanted to get blood on their clothes for once!"

"And what about Karen?" Mike asked, pointing to the girl who was now making a crown of flowers. "She doesn't seem like the violent type." Stan smiled.

"The face of innocence is so rare in South Park. Even rarer is an innocent child hiding a darker personality underneath. Seeing through that type of ruse is hard, but I saw it in Karen's eyes. A lust to spill blood."

"Because you're a fucking psychopath!" Kyle snapped. "And Karen is a fucked up weirdo!" Stan rolled his eyes.

"Kyle, weird things happen in this town all the time. I think you heard about what happened to Bebe?"

"I don't have any idea what happened to Bebe! No one does!" Stan smiled grimly and pulled out a vial of blue liquid.

"Bring him." Stan called. Two Bloodmoon warriors dragged a blonde boy over, forcing him to the ground.

"Pete Melman?" Kyle asked in confusion. Stan smiled and poured the vial's contents onto Pete. The blonde boy began shaking violently. His eyes turned a demonic red, and his teeth grew razor sharp. Pete stopped shaking and stood, staring at Kyle blankly. Several elves walked up, confused.

"Kill." Stan whispered. Pete let out a high pitched shriek and lunged at Kyle.


	11. Allies

Pete easily pinned Kyle to the ground while Stan looked on in amusement. Mike could see why. From Stan's angle, it looked like Pete was trying to rape the Jewish kid, when in reality he was trying to tear his face off.

"AH! AH!" Kyle screamed. "FUCK! GET HIM OFF OF ME!" Mike raised his sword and hit the crazed blonde kid on the back of the head. Pete stumbled, before turning to Mike with a look of rage.

"And now I've pissed him off." Mike raised his sword as the blonde lunged at him. The sword sunk into Pete's stomach. The blonde jerked away, somehow unfazed by the fact that there was a bleeding hole in his stomach. Pete lunged again, and Mike jumped out of the way. Stan also leapt out of the way when Pete nearly barreled into him.

"Watch it dumbass!" Stan snapped at the growling blonde. "Mike, you might as well stop fighting! We all know you won't beat Pete that easily."

"What the hell did you do to that kid!?"

"Well, let me explain. A month ago, there was an incident in town where this green alien goo turned over half the town into Nazi zombies. Douchebag managed to cure everyone by farting on Kenny's balls."

"WHAT!?" Mike shouted, horrified. "But that goes against the gentlemen's code!"

"Yes, and despite the town being cured, I discovered that there was a ton of that green goo left over. Karen somehow managed to change its properties, so that it now turns people into deadly mutants who stand loyal to me!" He took out a vial of blood ad handed it to Pete, who drank the vial's contents greedily. Mike watched in horror as the wound in Pete's stomach rapidly closed up. "And it turns out blood heals the mutants."

"You're a fucking psycho!" Mike snapped. Stan waved it off.

"Just get back to the Bloodmoon kingdom."

"NO! I'm not going anywhere with you!"

"Fine, be that way. Pete, I want Mike and all of the elves dead! Karen, come with me!" The little girl stood up as Pete lunged towards Mike. Mike brought up his sword and impaled the blonde boy in the eye. The mutant boy stumbled back and screamed in rage. Mike watched as Pete lunged at Kyle again and sank his teeth into the Jew's arms, greedily sucking out Kyle's blood.

"OOOWWWWW! FUCK!" Pete's eyes reformed quickly. Mike ran up and without thinking kicked Pete in the balls. The blonde mutant recoiled and let out a pained scream as Mike swung his sword as hard as he could, beheading the boy in one blow. The body shuddered and collapsed while mike looked horrified.

"I… I killed him…"

"You had no choice dude." Kyle said, rubbing the spot where Pete had bitten him. "God damn that fucking hurts!"

"What now?" Mike asked as he looked at his blood soaked sword. Kyle walked up to him.

"The only chance we have of fighting Stan is for us to join forces with Kupa Keep." Kyle groaned. "But even then the Bloodmoon army will still outnumber us."

"I saw a list inside the kingdom showing who Stan has allied with." Mike murmured.

"Who did he ally with?"

"The federation, the girls, the vampires, and the ginger kids." Mike said, recalling the list from memory. Kyle groaned.

"God dammit! Hopefully we can convince the pirates and the Goth kids to help us. The pirates shouldn't be that hard since my brother is their leader. And the Goth kids owe me a favor. Don't ask. The hardest to get will be Kupa Keep. But with a little force we might get them on our side.

XXXXXXXX

"Fuck. That!" Cartman snapped from his throne, rubbing the bruise he got when Mike shoved him into the basement. "If you think I'm teaming up with the fucking elves again, you can suck my ass!"

"So, there's nothing we can do to convince you?" Kyle asked.

"That's right!"

"Mike, go to plan B." Mike ran up and kicked the fat kid in the balls as hard as he could, earning a girly shriek as the blob fell to the ground in agony. "How about now?"

"NO!" Cartman shrieked. Mike aimed two more kicks at Cartman's balls.

"I can do this all day fatty!" The red haired boy yelled.

"OK! I'LL JOIN FORCES WITH THE GOD DAMN ELVES!"

"Then it's settled!" Kyle called. "Let us recruit the pirates and Goth kids, and march upon the Bloodmoon kingdom!" Mike starred at Kyle for a moment. The Jewish boy looked oddly pale.


	12. Assault on Bloodmoon

Mike watched on as the combined army settled outside of the Bloodmoon kingdom. The gates had been barred, and archers stood on the walls.

"BLOODMOON KING!" Kyle shouted. "THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE! SURRENDER OR DIE!" Stan appeared above the gate, looking amused.

"Are you serious Kyle? You really think that's gonna work?"

"Give it up Stan! We have you surrounded!" Stan waved him off.

"Attack!" The Bloodmoon archers unloaded their bows, causing the kids to jump out of the way in fright.

"Scale the walls!" Kyle shouted. The elves and humans threw ropes atop the wall, scaling it as much as they could. Mike climbed up a rope ladder and shoved a Bloodmoon warrior off of the wall. "Mike!" Kyle shouted. "Don't let Stan get away!"

"Got it!" Mike shouted as he tore after the Bloodmoon king. He dodged the fighting pairs, even catching a glimpse of Rebecca fighting who Mike assumed to be her brother. Mike had eventually caught up to Stan, who spun around and drove a fist into Mike's jaw, sending the red head sprawling to the ground. Mike struggled to stand, only for Stan to kick him in the throat. Mike lay there, coughing and shaking.

"Aw. Did that hurt?" Stan said in a mocking voice, before kicking Mike again.

"Y-you won't win this!" Mike coughed.

"Keep telling yourself that Mike, but we all know my army is stronger!" He aimed another kick, but Mike rolled out of the way. He stood up to see Kyle, Kenny, and Clyde gather up behind him. Stan rolled his eyes. "Whatever." He stepped into the main building as the doors began closing. "Let's see how you deal against my level 20 necromancer!" The doors closed completely, locking. Stan's necromancer leapt down from the roof, pulling out a very deadly looking sword while yanking down her hood. Kyle and Clyde drew back in fright while Kenny screamed the necromancer's name in terror.

"ANNABELLE!"


End file.
